


Diligence

by Escalus



Series: Scott McCall Appreciation Week 2019 [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Euthanasia, Friendship, Gen, Leadership, Post-Season/Series 04, Pre-Season/Series 05, Responsibility
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 12:40:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18343892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Escalus/pseuds/Escalus
Summary: During the summer between his junior and senior year, and with the help of important adults in his life, Scott must come to grips with the price of being the True Alpha





	Diligence

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER: The death of an animal is portrayed.

Some power in the universe had decreed that Scott McCall would forever be subjected to terribly awkward dinners with the parents of his romantic partners.

In this iteration, Scott sat across from Noshiko at a table for four at one of the fanciest restaurants that Scott had ever seen. It was certainly far swankier than anything in Beacon Hills. The classical music playing in the background was being performed by a live string quartet. The lighting was indirect and dim enough to allow a degree of privacy – to people without supernaturally enhanced sight, that is – and the waiters moved with professional ease in near silence.

He had never eaten at an upper-tier French restaurant before. It was pretty intimidating, honestly. The silverware was made out of actual silver. There were different forks for different courses and different glasses for different drinks. Scott had made Stiles and Lydia quiz him all week to make sure he used the right utensil at the right time. Even the napkins were folded into ornate shapes.

Scott resisted the urge to tug at his collar. He was dressed in a suit for this dinner, and it was very uncomfortable, probably because it was new. Well, mostly new. He had recently purchased it from the thrift store, and his mother had had it dry cleaned and then altered it herself. The suit he had worn for the Winter Formal during his sophomore year wouldn’t have fit him now that he was an alpha, and he had lost the jacket somewhere in the woods anyway. He stared up at the ceiling – focusing on that memory wasn’t a particularly good way to begin what was supposed to be a happy occasion.

To push all those thoughts of the past away, he decided to end the silence between himself and Kira’s mother. “I wonder what’s keeping them.”

The look Noshiko gave him could have frozen birds in midflight. There was no inflection in her voice when she replied, “They will get here when they get here.”

Everything his mother had taught him about being polite told Scott to drop it. This dinner was meant to celebrate Kira’s seventeenth birthday, and Noshiko and Ken hadn’t been obligated to invite him along to this fancy restaurant in San Francisco. They hadn’t been obligated to pay for his dinner, which Lydia had suggested would cost them a hundred dollars per person, minimum. Scott should be grateful and be quiet.

But it was the first time in a long time that he had been alone with Kira’s mother. Scott never wanted to fight with her when Kira was present; he didn’t want to seem like he was forcing his girlfriend to choose between her mother and him, no matter how often it seemed that Noshiko was dead set on employing that exact tactic against him.

“You know, I’ve never understood this problem you have with me.” He couldn’t keep the irritation out of his voice.

“Obviously.” She lifted one eyebrow.

“Look, I respect your rules. I respect her. I’ve treated her well.” Scott’s initial hostility started to wither under the kitsune’s icy gaze. He should be used to it by now; it always felt as if she were judging him.

“Foxes and wolves tend not to get along.” 

And there it was again, that nebulous, annoying statement which Noshiko would constantly make, usually with the expectation that it would end all discussion. 

“I have never figured out what that really means, either. It sounds that you think we’re somehow destined to be wrong for each other, and I’ve never really understood why you think so. It doesn’t help that you won’t talk to me like a normal person.”

“But I’m not a normal person, Scott.”

“I know that.” Scott kept himself from rolling his eyes. “Neither am I, but, unlike you, I used to be. So maybe, just once, you could try telling me what the heck you mean while remembering I’m not as experienced as you are?”

Noshiko looked like she was going to refuse, but her face suddenly softened. “I don’t know how I keep forgetting that no one has trained you. The Hales really don’t like cleaning up after their messes, do they?”

“I am not a mess.” Scott bristled at the slur against him and the Hales – well, only Derek. Peter could go hang. “Derek taught me a lot of things.”

“If what my daughter has told me is true, Derek advised you on being an alpha starting a little after Halloween of last year and stopping in the middle of this March. Most alphas are trained their whole lives to take the mantle of leadership; you’ve had four-and-a-half months of teaching by a person who was never taught how to be an alpha himself.” 

Scott shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I don’t see what that has to do with anything.” He lied. He totally saw what it had to do with everything.

Noshiko saw it as well. “Let’s just pretend that the events surrounding the nogitsune were completely my fault –“

“They sort of were.”

The kitsune frowned, unamused. “Do you want me to continue?”

“Yes.” 

“Let’s examine your actions since the beginning of this year. During that time, you took my daughter on an unsanctioned trip to Mexico. It wasn’t to go sight-seeing, either; you infiltrated the fortress-town of the Calaveras hunting family. While there, she was forced to electrocute you, repeatedly.”

“I know that. I was the one chained to the chair.”

“And while I’m sure that it was unpleasant for you, it might have slipped your mind that it might have been terribly traumatic for my daughter. Not only was she subjected to that, but you also asked her to lie to her parents, and you certainly don’t seem to care that she fought berserkers, long before she should have even considered attempting it.”

“I care.” Scott replied hotly. “I’ve always cared. Sometimes caring means letting people make their own decisions on how they’re willing to help. But if she’s untrained, that’s not on me. I don’t know why you refuse to do it.”

The edges of the kitsune’s mouth turned down. “Scott, I certainly have been training her.”

“She …” Scott trailed off. Kira had complained about not learning anything.

“One of the most important things she has to learn is patience. The greatest asset a kitsune possesses is an abundance is time, and yet she has rushed into possibly deadly situations without giving a single strategic thought to other alternatives. She does that because of _you._ ”

Scott grimaced. If you looked at it from Noshiko’s point of view, he couldn’t deny it.

“You are the Protector of Beacon Hills; you chose this. You are the one tied to the Nemeton; you chose that. She is neither of those things, but she acts as if she is, and she does it because of _you._ ”

“She’s pack.”

“Kitsune do not form packs.” 

Scott swallowed. This wasn’t going the way he had imagined it. “You could say that humans don’t either, and yet I have several of them in mine.”

“Humans, in certain ways, are more flexible than kitsune,” Noshiko replied. “I know it’s not what you want to hear, Scott, but what I’ve told her before is true. You weren’t her first boyfriend, and you won’t be her last.”

“Why are you doing this? I mean, yeah, she’s going to live for a good long time. I know that. Why can’t she be happy now?”

“Because I know she won’t be. Not with you. Not in the end.” 

Scott bit the inside of his mouth until he stopped the growl from coming out. “You _don’t_ know that.”

“But I _do,_ ” Noshiko said sadly. “The first death is always the hardest. There is no part of love that makes you prepared for when it dies. And it will die. Even if you survive all the violence that is your inheritance as a True Alpha, even if you survive all the violence that is due to your connection to the Nemeton, you will still die long before she does. At least, I hope that is what will happen.”

Scott didn’t blame Noshiko for that sentiment. She wasn’t wishing for him to die; she was wishing Kira to live a long and healthy life.

“Every kitsune I have ever spoken with has experienced the same thing. They were young. They fell in love. And that love perished. It is a truth we all share.”

Scott wanted to argue, but he couldn’t. Was he being selfish?

“I don’t like you because I think Kira will come to love you, and then one day she will lose you, and the pain of that loss will never go away.”

“It doesn’t?”

“I am nine hundred years old, and I will never forget the woman I loved first in this world.” Noshiko spoke with a touching sincerity. Then she went back to cool. “And even if I could overlook that, which I cannot, I still cannot forget that you are an untrained alpha child taking responsibility over a dangerously unstable territory. I look at you and the most likely outcome I see for my lovely Kira is death and sorrow.”

Scott looked down at the table. Before he could look up and remind her that she still hadn’t answered his question about that saying, Kira and Ken came in. It was time to celebrate.

**********

Satomi Ito had suggested a particular rock formation deep within the heart of the Preserve for their meeting. She spoke so off-handedly about it that Scott assumed it would be easy to find. It was anything but easy to find. Luckily, he had been so eager for the meeting that he had left with plenty of time to spare. Thus, he only managed to be a half-hour late.

He could see why she chose this particular place. Nestled between two rocky outcroppings, it would have shade from the afternoon sun. A lazy creek meandered nearby. It was quiet, peaceful, and private. 

Satomi was sitting on a flat rock, eyes closed, with a basket by her side when he finally got there.

“I’m sorry I’m late.”

“Are you?” She smiled up at him serenely. “I hadn’t noticed.”

Scott came over and stood before her. “Thank you for meeting me here.”

“It was no problem at all. I quite enjoy walks through the Preserve. Would you like some tea?” She produced two cups and a thermos. 

“Sure. Thank you very much.” It would only be polite. It looked like she expected him to sit down next to her, so he did so. He waited while she poured them each a cup.

The scent struck him immediately. It was the same stuff that had cured their infections during the Chemist’s attempt on their life. It would be a long time before he would be able to forget wild purple reishi. It turned out that it was best that he thanked her before he drank any of the tea, because it tasted like he was drinking diluted battery acid. How could she enjoy this?

“You don’t like it?” She asked as she sipped on her own.

“I’m afraid I’m not a big tea drinker.” Scott hoped that he didn’t offend her. “This will take some getting used to.”

“Oh, absolutely. I couldn’t stand the taste when I first started drinking it. I wouldn’t expect you to, either.” 

Scott hesitated as he puzzled that out. If she didn’t think he was going to like it, why make him drink it. Finally, he realized that there was only one good reason.

“It’s really good for me, isn’t it?”

“Yes. Though it is somewhat bitter.” 

Scott took another drink to let her know he understood. “So, you’ve already figured out why I asked you here.”

“You wish to talk to me, alpha to alpha.” 

“I do. I was talking to Mrs. Yukimura …” He glanced at her face but she showed no reaction. “I was talking to Mrs. Yukimura, and she said that I’m at a disadvantage because I’ve never been properly trained. She said most alphas study for years in preparation.”

“That’s true.” Satomi remarked blandly. “I spent half a decade with the alpha from whom I inherited my mantle. I was also far older than you when I began my apprenticeship, and I had already been a werewolf for many years.”

Scott couldn’t help but feel disappointed. The more he had thought about it, the more this reinforced that he was a disadvantage to his own pack. “I was hoping that I could … I was wondering if you could help teach me a little bit about what would make me a better alpha.”

Satomi sat there in silence in response. He wondered if she was going to turn him down, or if he had violated some alpha etiquette he didn’t know about.

“It’s not as easy as you make it sound, Scott. Do you know how I learned? By serving as my alpha’s assistant, so I could see which decisions he had to make and how he made them. I grew into an understanding of the role by determining which of his decisions I agreed with and which ones I did not. I can answer your questions and I can provide you with advice, but you have your own pack now and I have mine. The decisions I make will never be yours.”

“Oh.” It was disappointing, but he would take what assistance he could get. “So, would you mind me asking a few questions?”

“As long as you understand that the only absolute certainty my age has taught me is that I don’t have all the answers.”

Scott thought about it, but then he realized what he wanted to know – the thing that had started this off. “Ms. Yukimura keeps telling me that foxes and wolves tend not to get along, but she won’t explain what she means by that. Do you know why she says this?”

“Ahh.” Satomi nods. “Scott, when you were bitten, what did the werewolves you encountered want you to do above anything else?”

“Join their pack. Peter wanted me to. Derek wanted me to. Deucalion wanted me to.” 

“But you didn’t.”

“They didn’t care about me. They just wanted the power that I represented.”

“So you formed your own pack.”

“That was something Derek said, but he was just exaggerating.”

Satomi laughed. “No, he wasn’t. Whether you like it or not, it is part of your nature to form a pack. Who did Derek think was in yours?”

“Stiles and Allison. Stiles was my best friend, and Allison was my girlfriend. Everybody has those.”

Satomi looked saddened. She had probably heard about both of them. “Not everyone leads their girlfriend and their best friend into battle, and yet, when you worked against Gerard, they were with you.” 

“I …” Scott trailed off. “I didn’t lead them very well.”

“It does not matter how successful you were. A wolf forms a pack. If an omega becomes unstable, it is not because they need more power, it is because they are _lonely._ Wolves feel loneliness and isolation much more sharply than humans do.”

“What does this have to do with kitsune?” 

“Kitsune are dual creatures. One flesh and one spirit. They act as one, but they are two. These two can be in disagreement or they can be in harmony, but they are never alone. They don’t feel the same need to be with others that a human does, let alone the way a wolf does. What they do crave is experience.” 

Scott thought about this, and Satomi seemed willing to let him spend some time on it. He really couldn’t puzzle it out until he saw a pair of birds fly over the clearing. “Mrs. Yukimura thinks when it comes down to it, my need for the pack will conflict with Kira’s need to discover who she is.”

“She knows that it will.”

“So Kira and I are doomed?”

“Not necessarily, but you will never be free of your need for your pack, and she will never fully be able to understand that need.”

Scott looked down at his hands. Well, he had asked. “How do I … I don’t want to say keep her. She’s not my property.”

“To have her by your side, you must act in the same way in which you lead your pack – you make it about your cause, not about you.” 

“Huh?”

“Why did you risk your friends’ lives in your attempt to stop the dead pool?” Satomi cut to the heart of the matter. 

“Because everyone … everyone on that list deserved a chance to live. Meredith’s and Peter’s plan had to be stopped, because they took the terrible things that happened to them and made those things more important than other people’s lives.”

“And that’s why they followed you, because your actions were about that principle, not your own base desires.”

“But it was still something I wanted.”

Satomi laughed. “I want peace. I’ve taught myself a way to find it, and I taught my pack the same. You wanted your life to be valued because it is yours. You want others to have that as well. This is your cause. I think many people, in the end, will choose to follow you.”

Scott stood up suddenly. “Maybe I don’t want them to follow me!”

“It’s too late now. You are the True Alpha.”

“Yeah.” Scott went over to the stream. “Hooray for me.”

“You can give it up, you know.” Satomi said. 

“What?”

“You don’t have to stay an alpha. You can give the power up to someone else. If the burden is too much for you, that is an option. You didn’t ask for it or the responsibilities it engenders.”

“Who would I give it to?”

“You could give it to any of your betas.”

“I wouldn’t do that to Liam. He’s just became a sophomore!”

Satomi nodded agreeably. “Of course you wouldn’t.”

Scott clenched his fist and decided not to rant. He sounded like a child. He went back and sat down next to the older werewolf. He very deliberately took up the reishi tea and drained the cup. 

“Very good.” The older alpha’s comment was nebulous.

Scott sighed. “What’s the most important thing I should do?”

“Diligence.”

“Uh.” Scott scratched at his neck. 

“Exactly what you are doing now. Be mindful.”

“Yikes. That’s not my best trait.”

“Some people are naturally aware of their surroundings; some must concentrate. It’s like lacrosse – you didn’t learn all the skills required to be good at it without practice. You worked at it. If you hadn’t already learned how to play, all the agility and stamina from the Bite wouldn’t have made you a great player.”

Scott felt a little better; practice was something he could do. “Thank you for your time. Is there anything I can do for you?”

“You faced down an army of assassins to protect me and my pack. You’ve done more than enough. I wish you all the luck.”

**********

Concentrate.

Scott was trying to concentrate. He totally was. The problem was, he was trying to concentrate on two different things.

He was assisting Deaton with the euthanasia of a family dog. The poodle’s family, a retired couple that had come to Beacon Hills to spend their remaining days, had brought him right after lunch. At first, Scott had thought about asking to sit this one out. The dog was terribly old, riddled with arthritis, and suffering from kidney failure. The lady was crying openly, and the gentleman was sitting next to her, pretending to comfort her but looking dazedly off into the distance, stifling the hurt that Scott could smell coming off both of them.

Even with all the horror and death he had seen, this was almost too much for him to bear. 

Deaton had asked him to help, but there really wasn’t anything for him to do during the procedure. When the veterinarian had taken the dog into the back room, Scott had waited with the old couple. They didn’t feel much like talking. Deaton had told him to wait ten minutes, and then bring the couple back, if they wanted to be with the dog in its last moments.

It wasn't fair. The old man had called one of their children to talk to their mother, but their son had been too busy. He acted like it was just an animal dying, and not a creature that his mother and father had spent years caring for.

He knew the drugs were gentle; it would be just like falling asleep. Scott helped the couple back into the room and stood there, fighting back his own feelings, as they waited out the quiet moments. They cooed to the dog as they petted it, choking out his name – Samson – around their own tears.

Scott heard Samson’s heart stop.

While Deaton took them out into the front to deal with the paperwork and arrange for the transportation to the pet cemetery, Scott prepared the dog for transport. He was glad none of the pack was here. He was being quite the baby. 

Deaton returned when everything had been seen to. He didn’t say anything to Scott at all, but checked over his work. Scott busied himself with cleaning the room.

“You did well.” Deaton finally said. “I wanted you to have this experience. I don’t euthanize animals often.”

Scott’s nod was accompanied with something that could have been a grunt. 

“Samson wasn’t going to live for much longer,” Deaton continued. “Perhaps six weeks at most, if we did every possible thing to prolong his life. It wasn’t going to be a particular pleasant experience for him or his owners. They’re not young either. This was merciful.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

Scott turned around. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be crying.” He rubbed at his eyes. “How am I supposed to be a veterinarian if I can’t put an animal to sleep?”

“It takes time, Scott. I’d be surprised if you didn’t have an emotional reaction. In fact, an emotional reaction was what I was hoping for.” Deaton smiled and came to help him with what he was doing.

“You did?”

“This is something that you might have to do one day. It would be your responsibility to be professional in the face of death, and that’s impossible if you’ve never faced it before. Now, I don’t think I’m too bold to believe that you enjoy working here.”

“I do.” 

“And that you might be considering entering the field.” Deaton added.

“I am.” 

“In that case, I thought it might be worthwhile for you to experience it _before_ it was your responsibility, so you could decide how you felt about it when you had no obligation.”

Scott started wiping down the table with antiseptic. He thought about it. It was true. It was probably wiser to know about these things before he committed his future to it. “Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome. If it helps, the reason I don’t do many of these is because I don’t like them much either. They … make me uncomfortable.”

Scott glanced over, surprised. Deaton always seemed so implacable. Very little disturbed him – the only time Scott remembered it was when the nogitsune tricked them by making Stiles materialize through the floor of the McCall living room. 

“I assumed that you … as a druid … would be more okay with it.” Scott scrambled for words. “The circle of life, and all that.”

“The druidic conception of the balance between life and death is a little more complex than a line from the Lion King,” Deaton teased gently. “But understanding something intellectually doesn’t mean that you can deal with it emotionally. I know that all things that live must die, but I’ve never been able to remain unaffected by the death of something that loves and has been loved.”

“Oh.” Scott thought about that. Samson, even though he was a dog, had been dedicated to his owners, and they had been dedicated to him. “So, you think I can still be a vet if I want to be?”

“Scott, you could be anything you could imagine, if you put your mind to it. I’ve always known that about you. And what you did today – you put Samson and the pain of the Rileys above your own discomfort and sadness. You did very well.”

“Thanks.” 

They worked in silence for a while, finishing off the rest of the day. The sun was beginning to set and it was nearing time for Scott to get off shift. He didn’t have anything to do tonight, so he was going to go home and watch television. Nights like this didn’t happen often anymore, so he was going to enjoy it.

Yet, something bothered him. When all the work was done, Scott walked over to where Deaton was locking up the drugs. “Doc?”

“Yes?”

“Do you have a few minutes? I need to ask you about something.”

“I’m not in any hurry.” The vet slid the keys into his pocket.

“I met with Satomi the other day. We had tea out in the Preserve.” 

“I hope you enjoyed it. Ito-san was one of my teachers, and I always enjoyed our discussions. I always found them very fruitful.”

“We talked about me being a better alpha. I’d gone to her because of something Noshiko said, but we … she said, when I asked her, that the best way for me to be a better alpha is diligence. I’m not sure what that means.”

“Careful and persistent work. The outcome of any task can be improved by the amount of effort you put into it.”

“Work on what?” Scott sighed, running his hands on his hair. “I’m willing to be diligent, but I don’t know what I should be working on!”

“The least helpful answer is … everything. Your and your pack’s strengths. Your and your pack’s weaknesses. Learning to become more comfortable in being what you are. Learning to tolerate your own mistakes.” Deaton went to his desk and pulled out a chair, gesturing for Scott to take one opposite him. 

“You’re my Emissary, right?”

“I would think that would be obvious by now.”

Scott chuckled. “Well, it’s not as obvious as you might think. You’re always helping us, you’ve even put your life in danger for us, but sometimes …” He trailed off, not wanting to sound ungrateful.

“Sometimes it seems that I know more than I am sharing.”

Scott nodded, embarrassed. “I’m not mad, because I know … I understand that you have the Balance to maintain.”

“It’s more complicated than that. Emissaries are advisors, and one of the most difficult things to do is to give good advice. In order to do that, you have to be completely confident that what you are going to say is accurate, and you have to be completely confident that it will be accepted. I didn’t give Derek much advice when he was alpha because …”

“You weren’t sure he would accept it.”

“Actually, I was absolutely convinced that he wouldn’t. Derek did not trust me from the start; he didn’t trust anyone. For example, if I had told him that he could work with Chris and Victoria Argent to neutralize Gerard’s influence in Beacon Hills, he would not only have refused to listen, but he would also have never listened to me again. So I kept my peace.”

“I see.” Scott considered that. The signs had been there that Chris fundamentally disagreed with Gerard’s way of doing things. If Derek and Chris could have worked together, the damage Gerard caused might have been reduced or negated completely.

“Do you have some advice that you won’t give me because you don’t think I would take it?” Scott suddenly asked. It was a difficult question, but suddenly he was sure that this is the very thing Satomi wanted him to pursue.

Deaton startled. He hadn’t expected that question. Finally, he said, heavily, “Yes.”

“Is it because you think I would refuse to listen to your advice?”

“Yes. Confronting a danger to the pack is easy when it’s an obvious enemy. Confronting a danger to the pack when it looks like a friend is not so easy. You’re pack has a weakness, Scott, and I don’t think you’re in a position yet where you can takes the necessary steps to correct it.”

Scott thought for a moment. “I’d like to know what it is. Even if you’re right, and I won’t take the advice, at least I’ll be aware of your concern. I have no reason to doubt you.”

Deaton looked incredibly reluctant to continue talking. 

“Please, Alan.” He needed to be diligent.

The veterinarian gathered himself together. “To put it succinctly, it’s you. Your attitude toward your friends presents an ongoing danger to your pack.”

Scott blinked. “What? My pack and my friends are the same thing.” He left out a breath. Deaton had been right. He had immediately become defensive. “How?”

“I don’t think I’m out of line in saying you have a specific vision, Scott, which others who can’t understand it crudely dismiss as black-and-white thinking. On the other hand, to follow that vision requires certain things from the pack which follows you. Yet, you are unwilling to enforce expectations on people you consider your friends.”

Scott stared at him blankly. 

“I think you have blinded yourself to the reality that not all the members of the pack agree with the principles for which you stand: the value of individual life, the sanctity of choice, and the minimization of violence.”

Scott cocked his head to the side. He still wasn’t quite following. 

Deaton sighed. “The pack follows you because you’re their friend, but some of them don’t believe in the same things that you do. I don’t think you’re prepared to make them follow your vision. ”

“I don’t want to make them do anything!” Scott couldn’t help but defend the people who’ve support him. “I know I’ve had to make decisions they don’t agree with, and I know they’ve been angry with me, but in the end they’re still my friends. They’ll get over it.”

“I don’t doubt that in times of peace, they would. But you’ve been fortunate so far that you’ve not faced an enemy who would use this … disconnect against you. In times of war, an alpha sometimes has to enforce his will on the members of his pack.”

“I’m not Peter. I’m not Derek. I’m not going to go around mind-controlling people or breaking people’s arms to get my way. Why should I get to tell my friends what to do?” 

Deaton stared at his hands for a moment. “You’re better than they are.”

“That’s not fair!” 

“No,” the veterinarian replied, “It’s not fair, but it is true.”

Scott stood up, his head swimming. He wasn’t angry at Deaton. He had literally begged them man to tell him something when the Doc was sure he wasn’t ready to hear it. “So how do I fix something that isn’t broken yet?”

“You have to stop seeing them as friends, and you have to start seeing them as pack, which is something different. You’ve been so desperate to be normal, and that’s understandable.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“The power you possess as Alpha brings with it commensurate responsibilities. You’ve also claimed the mantle of Protector of Beacon Hills – against my advice, if you recall – and that also brings with it a lot of responsibilities. Those responsibilities will change your life in every way imaginable. You can’t protect your friendships from those changes.”

Scott fumed. This was the same feeling as with Noshiko and Satomi. He could feel a gulf between what he wanted and what he had to do. Now every day, it seemed there was some new burden to which he had to adapt.

“That doesn’t tell me how to fix it.”

“You have to be the alpha; you have to be the final word. If Stiles or Kira or Lydia endangered the pack by their actions, or if Malia or Liam endangered innocents, it would be your responsibility to intervene. Wouldn’t it?”

“Yes. It’s just common sense.”

“In order to fully embrace being an alpha, you have to set yourself above them. Not too far, but just enough to keep them in line. You know that your friends, if they put their minds to it, could be just as dangerous as any of the enemies you’ve faced.” Deaton shrugged. “Or you could remain their friend and let them do what they want when they want.”

Scott felt trapped. Every month brought something new that he had to give up or something old he had to change. “So I can’t even have friends.”

“Yes, you can. You just won’t be able to be as close as you are now.” 

Scott turned away. “What you’re saying … what you’re asking me to do is not why my friends follow me. That’s certainly not what Stiles signed up for; he’d never accept me trying to be the boss.”

“Not necessarily.” Deaton pointed out. “If Stiles is as perceptive and as loving as you believe, he’ll understand. You asked where I saw weakness in your pack. That, unfortunately, has to be my answer.”

Another thing gone. Another thing that Bite’s taken away from him. Another thing he has to give up. “Thank you.” He said it heavily. “I’ve got to finish cleaning out the cages.” 

Deaton let him be. He had pushed it again, just as he had pushed it with Noshiko and just he had pushed it with Satomi. Scott kept pushing for answers and then was left with answers that he never wanted. He felt doomed. He was doomed to become Kira’s great regret. He was doomed to endure a bitter life of fuck ups because he’d become an alpha without knowing how to be one. He was doomed to ruin his friendships with everyone, _with Stiles,_ because he wasn’t the same person who had been able to become Stiles’ friend anymore. 

The Bite was a gift, Derek had said. But now Scott understood that it was a jealous gift; it would drive every other gift away. He’d not played in a lacrosse game that he could actually enjoy since he stopped riding the bench. Every single person he cared about had been marked for death at one time or another because of him. Now it threatened his relationship with his girlfriend and his best friend. It was only a matter of time before he became exactly as Derek had been – brooding alone in some minimalist apartment, watching life through rain-soaked windows.

Stiles had been right that first night, and it would never matter how hard and carefully he worked. He was cursed, and the only thing he could do was stop anyone else from being cursed as well.


End file.
